Note: This guest post is from Alyson Molloy Hussey. Thanks, Alyson!

I recently consulted with an organization that was planning a very cool cultivation event.

Of course, the Executive Director wanted the group’s most generous donor to attend. When we discussed this at our weekly meeting, they seemed skeptical about the donor.

“I am sure she won’t come.” 

Followed by, “She probably won’t want to go anywhere in the winter.”

A little later, “I am positive her husband won’t want to come.”

This kind of negative thinking continued for several minutes. Finally, they offered a scenario where the donor might consider attending.

“She has a granddaughter who might be interested.  I could ask her if she wants to attend with her granddaughter.”

Tell me why

I had LOTS of questions.

“Why do you believe that she won’t attend?”

“Why do you believe that her husband won’t attend?”

“Why do you think inviting her granddaughter would make things easier?”

I pointed out that they were making many assumptions.

Many assumptions, but no ask

The organization had done an excellent job stewarding this donor throughout the year. They sent texts and personalized emails with photos. They shared testimonials expressing genuine gratitude and describing the impact of her gift. However, they hadn’t had the opportunity meet with her in person for more than a year.

They had never asked her directly, “We’re hosting this amazing event in January. Would you like to join us? We would love to have you attend.”

They discounted her husband because, during the very first meeting with this donor, he walked by the table mumbling about “too many nonprofits.”

That was before she made her first five-figure donation.

Time to challenge assumptions

This conversation created the opportunity to challenge assumptions before the donor meeting.

I asked my client, “Do you think your donor will enjoy this event?

They responded by explaining all the unique opportunities to see the mission in action. The donor could network with internationally known civil rights activists and share a delicious multicultural meal. The event would include behind-the-scenes tours, led by experts, not available to the general public.

It sounded truly spectacular. I wanted an invitation!

I responded, “Wow!  That sounds amazing.  I bet she would love to attend.”

An opportunity, not a burden

By hearing the value of the event reflected back, the Executive Director began to perceive it differently: as an opportunity for the donor, rather than a burden. Their body language shifted as they began to think about the invitation conversation in a different way.

I advised them to make a list of all the unique opportunities that the donor would experience if she attended.

Next, I asked them to highlight two or three that might be of particular interest to this family. I also encouraged my client to go into this conversation with a mental image of the donor and her husband having an amazing experience at the event.

Lacking a full picture of the family, we decided not to mention their granddaughter. Were the couple close to this grandchild? If they invited one grandchild, would others be jealous? By including the granddaughter, would they be adding an unnecessary complication?

I am excited to debrief with my client and learn what happened.

A positive attitude raises more money

As a fundraiser, there are only two things you can control.

1. The questions you ask.

2. The thoughts you have while asking.

By preparing thoughtful questions, being fully present during the conversation, and – most importantly! – turning off the negative self-talk, you will get much better results and raise more money.