Note: This post is adapted from a recent presentation to the Maine Planned Giving Council. Thanks to MPGC!

My planned giving story begins more than twenty years ago, when my spouse and I created our first wills. In addition to including our daughter, niece, and nephew, we designated six nonprofits to each receive a small percentage of our estate – which, at the time, wasn’t worth a lot.

I reached out to notify these groups, saying “If you like, you can profile us in your newsletter: Middle-Aged Couple Writes Will! That might inspire others to do the same.”

“What a generous offer,” they all said. “This is amazing!”

And then … nothing. Five organizations never followed up; the sixth took two years.

In their defense, these were all grassroots groups with limited staff and too many balls in the air. I’ve dropped plenty of balls myself, so my disappointment was tempered with a dose of understanding.

Who are you close to now?

When we updated our wills a decade later, my spouse and I asked each other a couple of questions. To which causes and organizations do you feel most connected now? Whose work feels important now?

Not surprisingly, our priorities had shifted somewhat. New nonprofits had entered our lives, while others had faded into the background.

In the revised will, some of the original groups were replaced by others. And yes – for those organizations we removed, better donor stewardship might have made a difference.

It’s all about values

When you read my story, what values come to mind? For me, these are most prominent:

• Transparency
• Accountability
• Continuity
• Gratitude
• Connection

In seeking planned gifts, there’s a tendency to focus on logistics and legalities: giving options, tax implications, and so forth.

At the same time, a deeper conversation – filled with potentially taboo subjects – sits right below the surface: life and death, family, legacy, and money. A skilled fundraiser can lift these subjects into the light by exploring how the donor’s values align with the nonprofit’s mission.

Indeed, by focusing on values, topics that might seem taboo become more universal and less intimidating.

“Tell me about your first library card…”

During the conference, I shared a role play with my colleague Elizabeth Limerick, who serves on the board of the Portland Public Library.

When I asked about her first library card, Beth told a moving story about taking the ferry to Portland as a child – and going home with a backpack full of books. Indeed, her sensory memories of that day were very strong and specific.

Among the values we explored during our conversation:

• Autonomy
• Curiosity
• The love of learning
• Democracy
• Equity

From there, we only required a small step to make the ask: “Would you like to help us ensure that the next generation of children can have a similar experience?”

Three tips from hospice volunteer training

Many years ago, I trained to be a hospice volunteer – a pretty rigorous course. Much of what I learned continues to inform my work with nonprofits.

The following three tips are relevant to the topic of legacy gifts.

1. Listen deeply; be fully present. Here’s an example of what NOT to do, borrowed from the training workbook: “We listen, waiting to impose on the speaker a detailed account of our own personal experience.”

Being fully present means turning off your inner commentary and really listening to absorb the deeper meaning of what’s being said.

2. Embrace discomfort. Death, money, and legacy can be challenging topics. By acknowledging that discomfort, you create space for conversation and reflection.

3. Caring is the core of the work. Your genuine interest in others – who they are, what they value and why – may be more important than the logistics of serving them. (Regardless, you need to do both really well.)

Yes, you can share your story

As fundraisers, we are often trained to seek out the donor’s story and focus on the donor’s needs. (In recent years, this has become a somewhat controversial topic.)

There’s a conundrum here. If you want your donor to show some vulnerability – after all, we’re talking about death, money, and values – you may need to demonstrate vulnerability yourself.

As a fundraiser, when and how is it appropriate to share your giving story?

My answer: More often than you think. By offering your experiences – and the values that motivate you to give – you invite your donors to do the same.